This tripped me up more than once when I was transitioning out of the military. My whole career was 'show up where they tell you, when they tell you.' Suddenly I'm in tech job interviews and everyone's telling me to negotiate remote but I have zero instinct for how to ask about it without seeming like the person who just doesn't want to work hard.
I talked to a few people and fumbled my way into something that actually works. Sharing it.
Bad version: 'Is this role remote?' (Too direct too early. Sounds like a checkbox before you've shown any enthusiasm for the actual work.)
Also bad: 'What's the WFH policy?' (Same energy. Sounds like the first thing you're asking is what you can get away with.)
What works better. After you've asked substantive questions about the role and shown genuine interest: 'Can you tell me how the team typically collaborates day-to-day? Are people mostly co-located or more distributed?'
This frames it as a curiosity about team dynamics. You're going to get the answer you need (how many days in-office is the realistic expectation) while also learning something genuinely useful about how the team works. Then you can follow up: 'That makes sense. Is there flexibility in schedule around when you're in-office, or is it the same days for the full team?'
You've now learned: is it hybrid, how many days, is there flexibility in WHICH days, and whether it's a rigid policy or team-normed. None of that sounded like you were trying to work in pajamas.
For people coming from military or other structured backgrounds: there's nothing wrong with asking about flexibility. The discomfort is cultural adjustment. You're allowed to have preferences about your work environment.