Most candidates feel weird about counter-offers. The reality: recruiters EXPECT you to negotiate. They have built-in headroom for it. Not negotiating leaves money on the table that the company has already approved.
Here's a script that works whether you have a competing offer or not: "Thank you for the offer: I'm genuinely excited about the role and the team. I've thought hard about it, and to make this work for me I'd need to see [base $X / equity $Y / sign-on $Z]. The reason this number matters: [one specific reason, competing offer, current TC delta, relocation cost, etc.]. Can we get to that number?"
Three things that make this script work: It opens with enthusiasm. Recruiters' biggest fear is "they're using us as a price floor." Lead with intent to accept. It names a specific number, not a range. Ranges get rounded down. Numbers get matched. It anchors the ask in a reason. "Because I have a competing offer at $X" is best, but "because my current TC including bonus and equity refresh is $X" works too. "Because I deserve it" doesn't.
What NOT to say: "What's the most you can offer?" (gives them ammunition) "I want $300K" (no anchor = sounds arbitrary) "I'll think about it" with no number (kills momentum, signals weakness)
The right move: name a specific number, give a real reason, and stop talking. Recruiters' first response is usually "let me check with the team." That's a yes-in-progress.
6 replies
alex_design
the 'stop talking after you ask' part is the thing nobody teaches you. i used to fill the silence after my number with justifications. recruiters always read that as me negotiating against myself. just say the number then shut up. they will fill the silence and it will be in your favor like 80% of the time.
tired_recruiter
100%. the silence after a number is one of the most informative things a recruiter gets in the whole process. if you fill it, we learn your ceiling. if you don't, we have to fill it, which means we have to bring you something.
remote_swe_42
addendum: when the recruiter says 'let me check with the team' that's basically a yes. they're working the approval. don't lose your nerve in the next 24h or send a follow-up asking if everything is ok. just wait.
tired_recruiter
recruiter here. when you negotiate professionally you instantly move into my 'this person has good judgment' bucket. when you don't, you go into 'this person will probably accept the next offer without pushing.' negotiation isn't just about this offer, it's about how i think about you for future internal openings. negotiate.
corp_refugee
the counter-script works for new offers. for tenured employees, it does not. internal comp is sticky in a way external comp isn't. the only real leverage for an internal raise is an external offer in hand. anything else is asking nicely, which works approximately zero times.
careerveteran
this. internal raises north of inflation basically require an external offer. there's no 'good talk with my manager' path. there's an offer-letter path. that's it.