i took two years off. the honest reason is that i had a pretty serious depressive episode following a sudden family loss and i genuinely could not work. i also did some caregiving during that time, but the primary thing was my own mental health.
so now i'm back. i'm actually doing well. and i have this gap on my resume that spans 2022-2024, and every piece of advice i find online is either 'just say family reasons!' (which feels dishonest in a way that makes me uncomfortable) or 'disclose everything!' (which feels like handing interviewers a reason to screen me out before they've even seen my work).
here's what i landed on after a lot of trial and error over the past six months of interviewing:
on the resume: "career break: caregiving and personal health" dated correctly. no more detail than that.
in the phone screen: if they ask, i say something like: "i took time to address a family health situation and some personal health needs. both are resolved and i'm fully present now. i'm happy to talk about what i did during that time to stay current if that's useful." then i pivot to what i actually did (kept coding on side projects, took a course, etc.)
if they push for more: honestly, at this point i take it as useful information. a company that wants me to justify a medical leave in detail is probably not a place i'd be safe anyway.
what i stopped doing: apologizing. i used to frame the gap with this little verbal cringe, almost pre-emptively softening the blow. stopped completely. the gap is a fact. i don't owe anyone shame about it.
it took me a while to get here. still working on it. but the number of 'so tell me about this gap' questions that ended positively went up significantly after i dropped the apologetic framing.