anxiety before every interview even when you're qualified,…

anxiety before every interview even when you're qualified, does this ever stop

apm_aisha · 5 replies

I want to preface this by saying I know I'm not underqualified. I've done the prep. I know my stories. I've practiced the product sense frameworks, the behavioral questions, the metrics I'd highlight. And then the Zoom link opens and my heart rate does something that my Apple Watch considers a cardiovascular event.

It's not new. I get this before every interview, has been true since my first job search. But I'm at two years of APM experience now, the roles I'm targeting are reasonable for my level, and I kind of expected it to get better? It hasn't.

Specifically what happens: about 20 minutes before, I lose my ability to think clearly. Not nervousness exactly. More like my working memory just... compresses. The things I prepared are still there but they feel far away. I've started my last three phone screens with some version of "sorry, could you repeat that" because I genuinely couldn't process the first sentence.

Things I've tried: breathing exercises. they help slightly. not as much as the internet promises. walking right before. better than sitting. telling myself "this is just a conversation." mostly doesn't work because it isn't just a conversation, there are real stakes, my brain knows this. having my notes open. this actually helps the most. knowing I have a fallback reduces some of the cortisol.

The only real thing that helped long-term: volume. Doing more interviews, even for roles I didn't want, just to build tolerance. It's like anxiety exposure therapy but for behavioral rounds. The 15th interview felt different than the 4th.

Still get it every time. But now I kind of expect it and don't spiral when it happens. Is that the goal? "Getting comfortable with the discomfort" feels like a consolation prize but maybe it's the actual answer.

Anyone find anything that actually made the pre-interview window less brutal?

5 replies

jordan_pm

Yes to the notes being open. I have a single doc open in every interview. Not to read from. Just to know it exists. It's a security blanket. I don't care if it's "cheating," nobody is grading your workspace.

The volume point is also true. I did 40+ interviews in my last search. The first 10 were rough. By 30 I had actual perspective on individual rejections and individual performances. Hard to get that any other way.

ml_mike

the "my brain knows the stakes are real" thing is correct and I think that's why "it's just a conversation" doesn't work. you're not anxious because you misunderstand the situation. you're anxious because you understand it correctly. the stakes are real. you want the job. reframing that as low-stakes is just lying to yourself.

better reframe for me: "I've survived every interview I've ever taken." 100% hit rate. the outcome was never as bad as the anticipation.

apm_aisha

"the stakes are real and the anxiety makes sense" is weirdly more calming than being told the stakes aren't real. thank you.

hardware_hugo

hardware interviews are different from PM loops but the anxiety pattern is the same. what helped me was writing a brief "pre-flight checklist" the morning of. not content prep. logistics. did I eat. do I know where the link is. is my setup ready. ticking through a concrete list occupied the anxious part of my brain enough to let the competent part stay accessible.

recruiter_rita

from the hiring side: we see the nerves. most interviewers factor it in. someone who's visibly nervous but gives a good structured answer is still a strong candidate. the anxiety itself doesn't disqualify you. how you recover when you lose your thread matters more than whether you lose it.