I spent three years under a manager who was, in retrospect, a masterclass in what not to do. Passive, then explosive. Praised you in private, undermined you in public. Never gave feedback until performance review season when it was already too late to do anything about it.
I'm now 18 months into my first manager role. Here's what I consciously do differently:
I give feedback the same week, not the same quarter. If something is off, I say it when it's still small. Waiting makes it worse for everyone.
I credit by name in rooms I'm in. Not performatively, just accurately. 'Omar ran point on this' is just... true? It costs me nothing.
I tell people when I don't know something. My old manager would rather die than say 'I don't have that context yet.' I don't know why that was the hill.
I ask what they want from me in 1:1s, not just what's blocking them. Sometimes people want a decision, sometimes advice, sometimes just to vent. Asking saves a lot of mismatched expectations.
None of this is revolutionary. But the bar is genuinely low out here.
5 replies
pm_priya
the 'what do you want from me right now' question is so underrated. i had a manager who started every 1:1 with that and it changed the whole dynamic. you feel like you're steering instead of being processed.
growth_gabe
exactly. and it trains the other person to figure out what they actually need before they come to you, which makes the conversations more useful over time.
firsttime_mgr
The credit-by-name thing. I have to remind myself of this constantly. There's some weird reflex where you default to 'the team' because it sounds inclusive but it just... invisibilizes people. Trying to kill that habit.
director_dee
The feedback timing one is real. I've watched so many people get blindsided at review time by issues their manager had been sitting on for months. It's not kindness, it's conflict avoidance that backfires on the person you're supposed to be developing.
pivot_pat
the bar is genuinely low. that part. i've had exactly one manager in 9 years who did even half of this list. you described what should just be the baseline.