Managers · Primly Community

how to rebuild trust with a manager after making a mistake at work

returner_ren · 4 replies

I came back from a two-year caregiving gap and made a pretty visible error early on. Shipped something that broke a downstream process and wasn't caught until an ops person flagged it two days later. I was mortified. Newly re-onboarded, first real project, and I'd already caused noise.

What I did, and what I think actually helped:

Address it the same day, directly. Not in a team channel, not via a long email, just a direct message to my manager: 'I need to flag what happened with X. I should have caught that before it went out. Here's what broke, here's who's affected, here's what I'm doing to fix it right now.' No excuses, no backstory about the gap, no 'I think maybe it was also because...' Just facts and forward motion.

Write the postmortem yourself. Not asked for, just did it. Short, technical, blameless in format but honest about the root cause, which was my misunderstanding of the system behavior. Sent it to my manager before he asked. He forwarded it to the team and said it was a good model. That one moment did more for trust than probably anything else I did that quarter.

Don't grovel, but don't normalize it either. One apology is appropriate. Bringing it up again and again, asking 'do you still trust me', that signals anxiety more than accountability. Make it once, make it count, then execute well and let the work speak.

Give it time without being passive. Trust re-builds through consistent behavior, not one big gesture. I made sure my next three deliverables were early, well-communicated, and clean. Not perfect, but no surprises. That's the actual currency.

The thing I was most afraid of was that it would define me in my manager's eyes. It didn't. Most managers are more forgiving of mistakes than of poor judgment or hiding things. Hiding that error would have been much worse.

Hopefully this helps someone else who's in that awful 'I just messed up' moment.

4 replies

careerveteran

Everything here is right. As a manager, the one thing that kills trust permanently is finding out an engineer knew about a problem and sat on it. Coming forward immediately, especially with a fix or a plan, actually builds trust. It sounds counterintuitive but it's real.

jp_newgrad

I'm scared of this happening and I'm not even in my first job yet. Bookmarking this for when I inevitably mess something up. The postmortem idea is really good.

sam_recovering

The line about not groveling but also not normalizing it is something I needed to read. I have a tendency to keep bringing things up past the point where it's useful. Accountability once is actually stronger.

returner_ren

It took me a while to understand that bringing it up again is mostly for my own anxiety relief, not actually for accountability. Once that clicked I stopped doing it.