Managers · Primly Community

how to manage up when your manager is drowning and you need decisions from them

infra_ines · 4 replies

My manager has 11 direct reports, runs two cross-functional initiatives, and is in back-to-back meetings from 9am to 5pm every day. She is not a bad manager. She is an underwater manager. The difference matters.

The problem: I need decisions, unblocking, or input on a semi-regular basis, and getting 20 minutes of her focused attention takes a week of scheduling and then half of that time is her catching up on context I already sent.

Things I've tried that actually work:

Async decision packages. I stopped asking "can we talk about X?" and started sending: "I need a decision on X by [date]. Here are the 2 options, the tradeoffs, and my recommendation. Reply with which to proceed or flag if you want to discuss." Turns a 30-minute meeting into a 90-second Slack read.

Front-loading context. She doesn't have time to re-read background. I put the most important sentence first, every time. If she only reads the first sentence, she should still know what I need.

Combining asks. I batch low-urgency things into the 1:1 instead of pinging separately. She can make 4 decisions in 10 minutes if I prep them properly.

Proposing vs asking. "Should we do X or Y?" is harder to respond to than "I'm going to do X unless you flag otherwise by Thursday." Gives her veto power with minimal effort on her end.

The one that didn't work: trying to get more 1:1 time. She doesn't have it. Asking for it added to her stress and didn't actually help.

Not every manager situation is salvageable. But if the problem is overwhelm rather than avoidance, most of this is learnable.

4 replies

remote_swe_42

The async decision package thing is underrated. I started doing this and it also made me better at thinking through problems, because I had to actually articulate the tradeoffs before asking. Side benefit.

frontend_fran

"Proposing vs asking" hit me. I've been asking open questions and then feeling frustrated when nothing moves. Going to try this.

brand_ben

Worth adding: make sure you know which decisions you're actually supposed to make yourself. A lot of what I used to bring to my manager were things I had full authority to decide. Just needed confidence to own it.

infra_ines

Huge one. I spent a month tracking every "ask" I brought to her and realized about 40% of them were things I could have just decided. That was a moment.