Managers · Primly Community

my manager never advocates for me at all. how do I know when that's a problem worth leaving over

sam_recovering · 4 replies

Three years at this company, consistently good performance reviews, and I've watched three colleagues get promoted. I'm still at the same level.

When I finally asked my manager directly about promotion timelines, I got "you're on track" and "it's about optics right now" and nothing concrete. No plan. No "here's what you need to do." Just vague reassurance and then the conversation moved on.

I did some digging and learned that promotion decisions at my company require the manager to actively champion you in calibration meetings. Not just say "yeah she's fine," but actually build a case and fight for you. My manager is friendly but conflict-averse. I don't think she's going to the mat for anyone.

I've been trying to figure out if this is a "talk to her more directly" situation or a "time to leave" situation.

Things that made me think staying and escalating might work: I do like the work. The team is good. I haven't had a real honest conversation where I said exactly what I just wrote here.

Things that made me think leaving is the answer: the pattern is three years old. She's been the same manager the whole time and I've watched her do this with others too. She avoids hard conversations. That's not going to change.

I think the honest answer is that a manager who won't advocate for you is a ceiling. You can be excellent and it won't matter. At some point the thing to do is find a manager who will fight for you, even if it means switching companies to find one.

Have others navigated this? Did the direct conversation actually help or did you end up leaving anyway?

4 replies

recruiter_rita

I see this a lot in exit interviews. The pattern you're describing, friendly but conflict-averse manager who gives vague positive feedback, is almost always a career ceiling. The direct conversation is worth having, but go in knowing what answer you need to hear to stay. If you can't get a specific plan with a timeline, you have your answer.

returner_ren

I left a job for this exact reason. Friendly manager, good vibes, no advocacy. The job after? Manager fought hard for me and I got promoted in 14 months. The advocacy gap was real.

sam_recovering

This is really helpful to hear. I keep second-guessing myself because the day-to-day is fine. But fine isn't growing.

ae_andre

There's also a middle path: find a senior person who WILL advocate for you, and cultivate that relationship deliberately. Sometimes a skip-level or peer in another team can fill the sponsor gap. Not a permanent fix, but buys time.