Managers · Primly Community

what to do when your manager never gives you feedback

sam_recovering · 4 replies

I spent 18 months wondering if I was doing okay. My manager's answer to almost everything was 'looks good' or just silence. Then I got an average performance review and was blindsided.

I don't think he was malicious. I think he was conflict-averse and had no idea how to give feedback that wasn't praise. Which, honestly, is maybe even harder to navigate than a manager who's harsh.

Stuff that eventually helped me:

Stop asking 'how am I doing?' It's too open and it triggers the 'looks good' reflex. Instead: 'I'm going to try approach X on this project. What would make that a clear success from your perspective?' You're making them think forward, not backward, which is less threatening.

Ask for feedback on the work, not on yourself. 'What would make this design stronger' is easier to answer honestly than 'what do you think of my work.'

Build feedback channels outside the manager. Peer feedback, skip-level 1:1s (if your culture supports that), or just asking people you collaborate with directly. 'Was that handoff clear? Was there anything I could have done to make your part easier?' You start building a picture even if your manager is a void.

Name the gap, kindly. I eventually said to him: 'I realize I mostly hear when something is working. It's hard for me to know where to focus growth-wise without understanding the gaps. Is there something I'm missing that I should know about?' That one actually got me a real answer. Barely. But something.

If you get to review season with no feedback history, you're flying blind. I'd rather have this slightly uncomfortable conversation six months early than be surprised at the end of year.

Anyone else had the reverse problem, manager who only gives critical feedback and never positive? Wondering if that's harder.

4 replies

brand_ben

The 'looks good' manager is exhausting. I had one who also panicked if you escalated anything, so you had no real path for getting honest calibration. Eventually found a skip-level who was incredibly helpful. If you can find that person, use them.

sam_recovering

Yes. The skip-level 1:1 was actually where I eventually learned what the real feedback was. The problem is my skip didn't think it was his job to tell me things my manager should have said. Which is fair but also terrible.

careerveteran

I manage people now and I'll say honestly: some managers avoid giving critical feedback because they don't want to have to follow through on a PIP or a hard conversation. So they just hope the person figures it out or leaves. It's cowardly but it's real. Ask explicitly: 'Is there anything that, if I didn't improve, would be a problem at review time?' That forces specificity.

returner_ren

Coming back after a gap I had this problem even worse because my manager seemed to assume I was rusty and just... left me alone. Asking forward-looking questions like the ones you mention worked for me too. Gets them to engage without making it feel like an evaluation.