this is hard to even put into words without sounding dramatic so bear with me.
my manager sets expectations in our 1:1s. i go execute on them. then at review time, or sometimes in the middle of a project, the bar has shifted and i'm being measured against a completely different thing than what we discussed. it's happened three times in two quarters.
each time i've tried to bring it up gently and the response is something like "well obviously the business needs changed" or "i thought you understood the context." and then i go away feeling confused and a little stupid.
i've been reading about gaslighting at work and some of it resonates and some of it feels like too heavy a word for what's happening. i genuinely can't tell if: my manager is actually moving the goalposts and it's intentional they're disorganized and have no idea they're doing this i'm bad at asking clarifying questions up front all of the above in some proportion
what i've started doing: writing a summary email after every major conversation. "just to make sure we're aligned, here's my understanding of the goal for X." if they don't correct it, i have a record. if they do correct it, i learn something.
but honestly the emotional weight of constantly second-guessing what i agreed to is draining me in a way that's starting to affect the work. i was on medical leave earlier this year and i do not want to go back to that place.
has anyone actually navigated out of this kind of dynamic? not looking for "quit, obviously" unless you have a reason why staying is actually harmful. genuinely trying to figure out if this is fixable.