What actually worked for me when I was in full collapse mode

pivot_pat · 5 replies

not a 'take a vacation' answer, i promise.

context: about 18 months ago i was at a point where i'd cry in the car after work for no specific reason. couldn't concentrate. stopped replying to friends. the whole thing.

the stuff that actually moved the needle for me: stopped trying to fix the burnout AND the job at the same time. picked one. decided the job was a known quantity and i had to accept it temporarily while i rebuilt capacity. cut one recurring obligation that wasn't required. one thing. not five. just one. this sounds trivial but the space it created was disproportionate. stopped tracking progress. had been journaling 'am i getting better' which turns out is a bad idea when you're recovering. too much self-surveillance. found one thing that felt like play with zero output attached. for me it was cooking things i'd never cooked before. nobody graded it.

it took about four months before i felt like myself. then i made career changes from a more stable place. doing it in that order mattered.

5 replies

remote_swe_42

the 'stopped tracking progress' point hit me. i was basically grading my own recovery daily, which is obviously going to feel terrible because recovery isn't linear. thank you for naming that.

bootcamp_bri

the 'play with no output' thing. i picked up watercolor during a bad stretch. not because i had any interest in being good at watercolors. just because nothing i made in that hour could be put on a deliverable. that separation helped a lot.

pivot_pat

exactly. the no-output thing is load-bearing. anything with an implied performance pressure still drains you.

ops_omar

doing it in that order. stabilize first, then decide. i did it the other way and made a panicked job change while still depleted and just imported the burnout into the new place. wish i'd read something like this earlier.

finance_faye

saving this. forwarding to a friend who would never admit they need it but definitely does.