honest question from someone 14 months into their first people manager role.
before this i was a senior IC and i thought i was managing my energy pretty well. since the promotion: constant context switching, I'm absorbing every report's stress on top of my own, and I genuinely don't know how to turn it off at the end of the day because there's always something unresolved.
the thing nobody told me is that as an IC your todo list has a bottom. as a manager it literally doesn't. there is always one more 1:1 to prep, one more career conversation to have, one more situation to navigate.
is this a skill issue, a mindset issue, or is managing just structurally more draining and everyone is secretly exhausted
5 replies
staff_steph
it's structural AND a skill you build over time. the 'todo list has no bottom' thing is real but you do develop a tolerance for incompleteness. the trick is defining what 'good enough for today' looks like and being willing to actually stop there. took me probably 18 months to not feel guilty about it.
firsttime_mgr
defining 'good enough for today' is the part I can't figure out. it all feels equally urgent. how do you actually pick?
staff_steph
honestly: i started asking 'does this explode by morning if i don't touch it today?' if no, it waits. most things are not that. took weeks of testing before i trusted it.
jordan_pm
absorbing your reports' stress is a real thing and it doesn't go away, you just get better at noticing when it's happening. i have a small ritual at the end of the day where i basically write down 'stuff that is not mine to solve tonight' and physically close the notebook. sounds dumb but it works for me.
consultant_cam
you're not bad at this. 14 months in is peak difficulty. you've taken on the accountability but haven't fully internalized the 'i can only do what i can do' acceptance yet. it comes. not fast though.